Variations of Murphy's Law : More fun than Pessimism

Murphy's Law
If anything can go wrong, it will

Edward Aloysius Murphy, Jr. (1918 –1990) was an American aerospace engineer who worked on an air travel safety system project.  The law is attributed to him as spoken in an adverse circumstance.  But various versions of this adage that speaks about the preverse nature of universe were present in the language already.  Interestingly much research is carried out on this topic. 
One day, after finding fault with a technician he supposedly said, "If there is any way to do it wrong, he'll find it."
Many variants of the law were subsequently formed.  Some of them are listed below.  The numbering of the laws is arbitrary.

Murphy's First Law
If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.

Murphy's Second Law
Everything takes longer than you think.

Murphy's Third Law
Anything that can go wrong will go wrong, and at the worst possible time.

Murphy's Fourth Law
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

Murphy's Fifth Law
If anything just can't go wrong, it will anyway.

Murphy's Sixth Law
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Murphy's Seventh Law
Nothing is as easy as it looks

Murphy's law of thermodynamics
Things get worse under pressure.

Murphy's Philosophy
Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse.

Murphy's Constant
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value

Murphy's Laws of Research
a)Enough research will tend to support whatever theory.
b)Research supports a specific theory depending on the amount of funds dedicated to it.

Some Murphyisms coined by others

If many things can go wrong, they will all go wrong at the same time.

If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop

ONE LINERS ON FRIENDSHIP

Friendship

Post-1

Acquaintance is a person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

A friend is someone who thinks you're a good egg even though you're slightly cracked.

A friend is one who knows who you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you become, and still gently invites you to grow.

A friend is someone that won't begin to talk behind your back when you leave the room.

A friend is someone who dances with you in the sunlight and walks beside you in the shadows.

A friend is someone who has the same enemies you have. (Abraham Lincoln)

A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.

A friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

A friend to all is a friend to none.

A good friend sees the first tear, catches the second and stops the third.

One liners, and funny statements to make your conversations more interesting: Insults (Post - 2)

Insults -Post 2

(The intention is more fun than insult)

Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today.

Don't let your mind wander, it's far too small to be let out on its own.

If we killed everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder. It would be an apocalypse!

This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person.

When I look into your eyes, I see straight through to the back of your head.

I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you any worse advice.

Don't thank me for insulting you, it was a pleasure.

I used to think that you were a colossal pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.

I like you. People say I've got no taste, but I like you.

 

One liners, and funny statements to make your conversations more interesting: Insults (Post - 1)

 Insults -Post 1

(The intention is more fun than insult)

Believe me, when I insulted you, it was completely intentional.

I used to be pro-life until I met you.

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

Looking at you, I can already tell that 10% of the time, you're right every time.

When I look at you I feel...a million years of human evolution was such a waste.

Excuse Me, please don't interrupt me while I’m IGNORING YOU!

How is it that you’ve managed to live this long and not be demoted to a single cell organism?

You are not as bad as people say. you are much, much worse.

Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested.

Talk is cheap, but that's OK, so are you.

Oneliners and funny phrases that you can use

Here is a list of one liners and catchy phrases that will make your conversations and writings more attractive.
This list is categorized according to to themes.